I can't hide it....

...I'm really struggling these days with the wait :(  It's a daily struggle I've been carrying for a week or so now (since we found out there was no way that we would make it to the September group).

My head and my heart are in complete conflict and I have to continually fight it.  I don't share this with too many people, because I KNOW how silly I sound to complain that we are not going, when there are SO many other good things in life. 

• My head knows we are so lucky to have gotten a quick referral.
• My head knows how quickly we worked through our process.
• My head knows that November (in every way) is a much better travel time for our family (in terms of Jacques' work schedule, Noah's school schedule, financially, the weather in China....shall I go on?).
• My head knows that those going in September have done their wait time and are just as excited as we were about going. 
• My head knows and feels SO happy and excited for the September families to get their children. 

BUT....

• My heart ACHES. 
• Jealousy, envy keep creeping into my heart and my head has to talk my heart out of it's frenzy :(

I'm a part of a Facebook group called DTC Spring 2012 (DTC, meaning Dossier to China).  Most of the people on this group, have travelled, are in China, are about to travel and received their LOA's (obviously, considering our DTC was at the very end of spring - it makes sense for us to be in the tail end of people to get through the entire process).  NOW...please don't get this wrong, I am BEYOND excited for those families who are working their way through THEIR process BUT, again we continue to sit and wait for 60 days with NO news.  So this is hard too, at times I want to not go on the fb group in fear people might read through me.

I HATE feeling like this.  The only thing I can come up with is 'the heart wants, what the heart wants'!!!




Presently we are waiting on 2 updates on our girl (one from an outside company in China called Red Thread China and one 'official' one through our agency) which should include updated photos and hopefully some more information about her.

Hopefully....with the start of school on Tuesday,  a little family vacation from Thursday to Monday ALONG WITH some updated information and photos of our girl , my head and heart can stop contradicting each other.

On that note, below are photos of the care package we sent our girl through Ann at Red Thread China.

As of today (Tuesday), the package has been sent but not delivered yet to her orphanage.  My best guess is that we have another few weeks before we could see more photos.  Let me count the days (these days are shorter than to when we travel) - a little something to look forward to!!!