Working towards - WHAT?

Adoption is downright difficult - but then add in the fact that we both have to lose between 60-100 lbs each - and now you've made MAJOR stress!

Not sure what or why we have been 'all over the board' up to now.  I would LOVE to quit and just accept our family 'as is' but THAT just doesn't feel 'right'.  I mean, a part of me fears we are looking like fools with all of our changes - but the other part of me just doesn't care. 

Bottom line is....we WANT a baby girl.  Regardless of our weight, regardless of our age, regardless of our financial status....we WANT a baby girl.   Even though I can't see her little sweet face, I can feel her in my heart.  I can feel her little heart beat.  Her bedroom sits empty of little 'pitter-patters' while we work through this process.

Our process has NOT been an easy on, that's for sure but we WILL get there.....first a failed domestic attempt, then Vietnam, then a possible failed private attempt, then Russia and now possibly China (not really sure so details will follow)....

MY head is spinning so I can only imagine our friends and family trying to keep up with our process.

EACH time I think it would be SO much easier to just QUIT....a nagging feeling in my heart WON'T let me, because we need her just as much as she needs us.

So Russia is pretty much out of the question at this point because we have not lost the amount of weight needed (February was our deadline and I've only lost about 1/3 of the amount I needed to lose and well, poor Jacques has GAINED weight since we started this process). In addition to this, I have tried contacting our agency TWICE and they have yet to get back to me - so honestly, I'm not feeling great about this opportunity these days.

SO for now we have to come up with a plan 'B' (or possibly this will be plan "E"??)....and this is what we are working on right now - doing some research, contacting some agencies, talking to some people, as we continue our paperwork, PRIDE training, gather of our certificates, etc.

Bare with us and thank you for always being supportive through is never ending emotional roller coaster journey of ours.  We WILL bring her home one day - from somewhere - I feel it!

UP NEXT....

• Continue to work on gathering our birth & marriage certificates
• Pride Training Jan 13-14 in Fredericton
• Decide (once and for all) on a country (End Jan to Feb time frame)
• Home study (February time frame)